Sunday, March 29, 2009

I'm Fat.

I had my coffee date with Larry this afternoon and it was wonderful. Larry is so charming and handsome, and I think he is really rich. But he is never going to love me because he thinks I'm fat. Ok, he didn't say "Wendy, you are fat." But, when I arrived, he said, "Hello, Wendy! Oh, you are bigger than I remember. That's ok, I like a healthy woman."


I weighed myself as soon as I got home and Larry is right - I am obese. I weigh 13.2 pounds, and last week, I was only 12.9 pounds!

I am officially on a diet. I did not eat dinner. This week, I am going to run 10 miles every morning and I will only eat carrot sticks and and Red Vines. Red Vines are fat free so it's almost like eating celery. If I chew slowly, I will actually burn more calories than I actually consume. Maybe I'll write a best-selling diet book - The Red Vine Diet: Chew Yourself Svelte, by Wendy the Cactus. I am going to be so rich, and Larry is going to fall madly in love with me.

No comments:

Post a Comment