Sunday, June 28, 2009

Friday, June 26, 2009

Facial Hair Adventures.

Since the 5th grade, I have suffered from a debilitating case of facial hair.

I know what you are going to say: "But, Wendy - you're a cactus! That's not facial hair. It's just your spikes."

And I say: Bullshit. It's facial hair. And I hate it with a passion.

Every few years, I try shaving. This experiment never ends well, but today, I felt hopeful. I applied a liberal amount of shaving cream (I used the formula for dry skin, duh):

Action shot!

As I suffocate on the shaving cream, I can feel my beautiful, smooth face being revealed. At last - no more facial hair!

$%&*#@#!!!! I can't stand it. My facial hair is just too resilient. To add insult to injury, I'll probably have a rash tomorrow night.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

The Perils of Petsitting

Miles went wine tasting with his new lady friend this weekend in the Santa Ynez Valley so I graciously agreed to petsit Chicken. (It should be noted that Miles and his Lady Friend met last Tuesday, but I don't want to pass judgment).

The weather has been gorgeous today, so I let Chicken play outside. Chicken apparently interprets "play outside" as a license to romp around in the dirt and get filthy. (Chicken is a bastard).

I gave him a bath and I'm just going to let the photo speak for itself. Yeah.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Smoking Sucks!

I am breaking up with cigarettes.

I confess that I mainly wanted to start smoking because I thought it would make me look more desirable and mysterious. But look at me! Stick a cigarette in my mouth and I look about as desirable as Susan Boyle (before her makeover).

Goodbye, Cigarettes!

Hello, Diet!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Please Go Away.

I don't know what to say. I was really excited about getting addicted to cigarettes and then summoning the inner strength to quit smoking.

But I loathe cigarettes. Just the smell of them makes me want to throw up.

I am going to make one more attempt to smoke cigarettes and then that is it: I am going to quit trying to become addicted to cigarettes! I am such a failure.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

G.D. Cigarettes

Why is smoking so difficult??

I mean, seriously, there are seventh graders that chain smoke at least three or four packs of cigarettes a day. You would think that a glamorous, cosmopolitan cactus, such as myself, would be able to bewitch the men with her smoking prowess.

But, ew, gross - it smells like monkey butt! Make it go away!