Saturday, March 28, 2009

Art (Schmart).

This morning, I decided to take a walk in the scuplture garden at UCLA. It is important to expose oneself to a little culture at least every six or seven months. In college, I was friends with an art history major. And, I took an art history class for about 2 weeks before switching to Acting 101. So, I think I am more than qualified to offer some commentary about the art I saw this morning.

Now, it is important to understand that art always has a THEME. Sometimes, the theme is "Hope" and sometimes it is "Beauty." A lot of great art deals with "Tragedy" and "Love" (which is often actually the same thing). Today, all the art I saw had a single, unifying theme:


Seriously? You call this stuff "Art"??? Let's review:

1. This sculpture shows great promise. It depicts a lovely feminine torso - but the artist forgot the head and feet. Hey, dipshit, if you can't sculpt a woman's head, then try making something easier - like an apple or a deflated beach ball.

2. I died a little when I saw this.

3. I have to give this artist some credit. The woman has a head, two arms, and two legs. But, it still sucks.

4. This is what we call "Abstract Art" - which is just a polite way of saying "your art completely sucks, go to law school."

5. I don't even know where to begin with this one. It was made in 1934 and is called "Hybrid Fruit Called Pagoda." I think we all know what this looks like, and it is not a piece of fruit.

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