Worst. Date. Ever.

I do not want to write about my blind date with Steve the Succulent. It was just too awful to relive. I would just like to post two warnings for all the single ladies:

1. Do not ever date Steve the Succulent.

2. Do not ever let Miles set you up on a blind date.

Miles is my best friend but when it comes to romance, he is just a vindictive bastard. The trouble with Miles is that he looks so sweet and innocent. I mean, c'mon, just look at him:

He's a friggin' Christmas ornament! (Note: some people assume Miles is a snowman, but he is actually a Christmas ornament of a snowman.) Just look at those faux charcoal eyes, the scarf, the matching yellow vest and hat! When he tells me he has a succulent that I simply must meet because he studied comparative literature at Harvard and likes water... how can I resist?
But, ladies - Miles is evil. He has been unemployed since January 3, and he is determined to make everyone as miserable as he is. If he ever tries to play the matchmaker and set you up with one of his friends, just run the other way as fast as you can.

p.s. Miles - I hate you.