Blondes Have More Fun!

I have a date tomorrow night with Max Who Likes Blondes (according to his Match.Com profile). Does this look natural? Look, I know what you're thinking, and I disagree. Some men actually need to be deceived before they can fall in love. After we are madly in love and get engaged and have two or three kids, then I can tell Max Who Likes Blondes that I'm not actually a blonde.

Is the hat too much?

I'm Fat.

I had my coffee date with Larry this afternoon and it was wonderful. Larry is so charming and handsome, and I think he is really rich. But he is never going to love me because he thinks I'm fat. Ok, he didn't say "Wendy, you are fat." But, when I arrived, he said, "Hello, Wendy! Oh, you are bigger than I remember. That's ok, I like a healthy woman."

WTF???

I weighed myself as soon as I got home and Larry is right - I am obese. I weigh 13.2 pounds, and last week, I was only 12.9 pounds!

I am officially on a diet. I did not eat dinner. This week, I am going to run 10 miles every morning and I will only eat carrot sticks and and Red Vines. Red Vines are fat free so it's almost like eating celery. If I chew slowly, I will actually burn more calories than I actually consume. Maybe I'll write a best-selling diet book - The Red Vine Diet: Chew Yourself Svelte, by Wendy the Cactus. I am going to be so rich, and Larry is going to fall madly in love with me.

S.O.S.

HELP! I don't have much time to blog. I am at my co-worker's St. Patty's party and I was having a good time but you will not believe what happened. LARRY IS HERE! He arrived ten minutes ago. And he is deliberately ignoring me.

WTF??

OMG, I can see him right now. He is flirting shamelessly with an Ariocarpus retusus (who looks like a TOTAL slut). OMG, I think he just saw me watching him.

This is a disaster. I just told Miles that we have to go home and stupid Miles said, "No way."

So now I am stuck at a St. Patty's party with awful ugly Larry. Ok. I can do this. I will rise above the situation. I will repeat my mantra:

Dignity and Grace. Dignity and Grace. Dignity and Grace.

Hello, Larry.

This is Larry, a Pleiospilos nelii:

We met on match.com and have been emailing A LOT the past couple of days. I think I like him!!! (Miles thinks he looks like Yoda).

Larry is a catch. He's a doctor, loves kids, and has a golden retriever. He has a black belt in karate and a sense of adventure (he likes trying new restaurants!) I don't think there is anything wrong with him.

Well. Actually.

I think Larry might be just a little on the short side. On his profile, in the space where you type your height, he wrote "Perfect." And look at his profile photo. With that weird angle, it impossible to tell if he is tall or midget. But, it does make him look damn sexy in that mysterious stranger sort of way.

Even if Larry is short, I don't care! I am not superficial and love does not care about height. We are meeting for drinks tomorrow after work. FINGERS CROSSED!!!