Hello, 2010.

2009 started so well - at a trendy Hollywood bar, drunk, and making out with a hot stranger. Four minutes later, everything started to go downhill when my friend Sandra threw up on my feet. Since then, it's been a steady descent into an abyss of darkness and despair.

I thought I turned things around last summer when a Secret Admirer sent me flowers. I was intrigued. Three dates - and one very bad bender in Vegas later - I found myself married. The rest is history.

But I am Wendy the Optimistic Cactus and I am convinced that 2010 is going to be an amazing year. Well, at least it will be better than 2009. Or, about the same as 2009.

Ok, look, 2010, I'm going to be straight with you: please have mercy. I am a broken woman. 2009 kicked me in the shins - again and again and again. Just when I thought 2009 and I could be friends, it threw acid in my face and stole my wallet. 2010, I know you are probably going to be a miserable, wretched year but if you just let me divorce my husband Ralph, I can take any other abuse - I can even spend Saturday nights at home. Alone and celibate. Watching Glee reruns.