My Friends Went To Vegas & All I Got Was This Lousy Shot Glass

Ok, I guess I'm exaggerating. My "friends" went to Las Vegas for New Years Eve and they bought me the following crappy souvenirs: (1) a key chain; (2) something that is either a very flat ashtray or a very small cheese platter; and (3) a shot glass that says "My friends went to Las Vegas and all they brought me was this empty shot glass."


My girlfriends all went to Vegas to celebrate the New Year, but I was not invited because it was a "single girls only" trip. This is bullshit. I invented the "single girls only" Vegas excursion! My friends are bitches. First, they exclude me from the Single Girls Gift Exchange. And then they gallivant around Vegas, intoxicated and wearing tube tops, while I spend the better part of New Years Eve locked in the bathroom trying to avoid my drunk husband's sexual advances. I hope they all get syphilis and die alone.


Look, if I angle the ashtray/cheese platter just so, and stand right next to it, it kind of looks like I actually went to Vegas and had an exciting New Years Eve. Oh, who am I kidding?