I know you are reading this. I don't care what your mother says, but it is an invasion of my privacy when you read this blog. Didn't anyone ever teach you about boundaries?
But, since I have your attention, I thought I would take this opportunity to share some advice. Last night, you asked me: "How can we save our marriage?" I'm sorry I laughed so hard, but I honestly thought you were joking. I thought your tears were part of the gag.
I have meditated upon your question, and I have some advice. If you want to make this marriage work, there is something you can do: shower me with presents.
Ralph, in celebration of the Christmas season, I think you should give me lots of presents. Expensive presents. Treat me like the Trophy Wife that I was born to be. Also, please try to be less ugly.
Your Wife,
Wendy
p.s. Remember to wash the dishes.
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