Where the Eff Did This Come From?

I went to the grocery story to stock up on cabbage.  I am on a Cabbage Cleanse.  The only thing I am allowed to eat is cabbage.  I really do not want to talk about it because the word "cabbage" makes me throw up in my mouth and weep uncontrollably.

When I got home, I found the devil hiding in my shopping bag:

Some people think the Pillsbury Doughboy is cute and friendly, but I know better.  The Pillsbury Doughboy is one of Satan's minions.  Just look at that evil smile and those vacant eyes, and oh, that diabolical laugh when you poke his adorable tummy...  He's insane!  The Pillsbury Doughboy was sent to earth to torment dieters and lure them into temptation. This box of Moist Supreme Yellow Cake Mix is my spiritual trial.

But there is more.  The Pillsbury Doughboy is a clever bastard.  The cake mix is evil, but the chocolate icing?  I would never have put that in my shopping cart.  Well done, Pillsbury Doughboy, well done.

The Pillsbury Doughboy thinks I am weak and will devour the chocolate icing.  But no.  I have incredible will power.  I am going to put the cake mix and icing in my cupboards.  I will gaze longingly at them and whisper sweet nothings to them while I stew my cabbage, but I will not eat them.  The devil is going to have to try harder if he wants to break this dieter's spirit.