Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Altoids. Joy.

I know so many women who accidentally lose weight - oh I was so busy working/studying, that I forgot to eat; I was so depressed, I didn't want to eat; I was so happy, I just spent my days skipping through fields and never had time to eat.

I have never had this sort of problem.  I am capable of eating and gaining weight under any and all circumstances.  But last November, I got divorced and decided it was time to get skinny and gorgeous. I stopped eating tasty and delicious foods.  Instead, I have just been eating tasteless things like raw cauliflower and sprouts.

One problem: I miss flavor.  Yesterday, I found a stick of butter in the fridge and last night, I had some very naughty dreams.  Jenny Craig would gasp with horror if she knew about my dreams. 

Now, all I want to do is eat butter.  I'd love to have some butter that has been mixed up with some chocolate and flour and sugar and transformed into a spectacular dessert.  But I'm desperate.  I'll just eat a stick of raw butter.  I don't even need a piece of toast. 

But I don't want to undo all my hard work.  If I eat butter, I will gain back all my weight and then my girlfriends will make fun of me behind my back.  So, in order to stay on my diet, I am letting myself have a special treat: altoids!

Three altoids = 10 calories.  I have been very good today.  I have only eaten 97 altoids. If I close my eyes and think about chocolate cake, it almost feels like I am eating something delicious.

I hate my life.

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