Wednesday, February 17, 2010

What I Will Look Like If I Am Pregnant (Hint: Obese)

I am weighing the pros and cons of pregnancy. It is for the most part easy to identify whether something is a pro or a con. Having a child with Ralph? Con. I will be the first of my friends to have a baby and they will all be uber-jealous? Pro, big pro. But I'm not so certain about the weight gain - is that a pro or a con? On the pro side, I get to eat whatever I want and it is socially acceptable to wear jeans with an elastic waistband. But what will I look like?

I asked my friend Maggie to help me visualize what I will look like when I'm 7-9 months pregnant. Maggie is very artistic (she owns markers) and considered going to medical school when she was a college freshman. Maggie imagined two scenarios.

On the right, we see the "Sexy Pregnant Mama like Angeline Jolie." I gain some weight, all in my belly. On the left, we see gross, obese, miserable Wendy. I gain a lot of weight, everywhere and become Wendy the Walrus (although it looks like I might actually have some junk in my trunk).

Is it just me, or are these drawings total crap? It looks like there's a breast growing out of the side of my face. And in the walrus scenario, my head gets fat. Ok, so my cheeks might get a little puffy but am I really supposed to believe that my head is going to be encased in a protective layer of fat?

It's probably a good thing that Maggie did not go to medical school and became a lawyer instead.

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