Tuesday, February 9, 2010

There Is A Very Strong Possibility I Will Never Drink Alcohol Again.

I suppose I should tell you about what happened yesterday. If you have been reading my blog, you will recall that I am celibate. In order to remain celibate, I've been also trying to stay sober. But I recently realized that I just need to stay sober when I am at bars, parties, etc. - basically, any time or place that I might come into contact with a sexually desirable man.

This means that I can safely drink myself into an oblivion when I am home.

Today, I was determined to be productive. I was going to clean the blinds, vacuum and scrub the bathtub. But first, I decided to improve myself by reading some non-fiction. It's important to be well read and educated.

Did you know you can learn things from books?? I know, I was surprised as well. But in my non-fiction book, there was a recipe for the Chi Chi. I did not know such a drink existed!

I immediately wanted to try a Chi Chi, but I did not have all the ingredients on hand. I could only make a cocktail that involved alcohol, Gatorade, moldy bread and raisins. Otherwise, I just had to drink shots.

This is not a problem - I love shots! I have been told that I do silly, ill advised, borderline dangerous things after I've had 3 or 4 shots. However, I have no first hand knowledge of this allegation because I always black out after the 3rd shot. Today was no different. Do you see that photograph below? That's the last thing I remember and then ...

I woke up in bed with my husband. Holy. Crap. I did not pay much attention during 7th grade sex ed classes (I spent most of the time blushing and giggling and covertly watching the Most Popular Boy) but I do know where babies come from, and I do recall quitting the pill because it was giving me a hairy lip and I don't see a condom wrapper in the trash can...

This is very bad.

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