I Hate Rock Band.

Last night, JoJo and I hung out with some college friends. We were promised a fun Saturday night with alcohol, noncommittal flirtation, nostalgia and more alcohol. Instead, we were forced to participate in that special level of hell called Rock Band.

I do not play video games. I had a very traumatizing experience in the fifth grade that involved too much Kool-Aid, the Legend of Zelda and a wedgie that I will never forget. And ever since then, I have abhorred the company of Mario, the Sims and even those hypnotic Tetris blocks. But I have never been very good at resisting peer pressure, and last night, I was coerced (coerced I tell you!) into playing Rock Band.


It was hell.


I mean, look at this filthy contraption. This is supposed to be "fun"? If I had a choice between spending the day at work, or playing Rock Band, I would choose work. Wait, no, let me explain myself another way. If I had to choose between having sex with my husband, or playing Rock Band, I would probably choose Rock Band but it would be a very close call.

It was overwhelming. All the graphics on the screen; my friend Kenny was singing and believe me, you never want to hear Kenny sing if it can be avoided; and how am I supposed to push the pedal while hitting the pads? And I'm supposed to follow the rhythm? During my second song, I got motion sickness and vomited a little on the drumsticks.