Thursday, March 4, 2010

Here Comes the Bride...

Look at what a beautiful bride I would be! My veil is so shimmery AND it makes my butt look really cute.

I bought this veil about 5 years ago when I was dating a really hot guy named Chip. After our first date, I knew that Chip was the hottest man I would ever date, so I immediately invested in this bridal veil. Look, I was just being realistic. I know I am gorgeous, talented and sexy, and most men would sell their souls to just to have coffee with me. But you see, I'm only an A. I was only in the prom court, I wasn't actually the prom queen. But Chip, he's an A+. He was the Prom King at his high school AND seven other high schools in the county.

I wanted to marry Chip and the only way to accomplish that was through deceit, fraud and trickery. I knew I was going to have to use the dating equivalent of black magic to trick Chip into proposing; and if he proposed, I'd have about three weeks to pull off the wedding before he realized that he should actually marry Charlize Theron.

So that's why I bought the veil. I had to be ready JUST IN CASE. Once I had the veil in my closet, I was able to relax and enjoy our second and third dates. After our third date, Chip never called again BUT I STILL HAVE THE VEIL. You know why? Because I'm an optimist. Even though I'm married to Ralph and my soul dies a little every time he tries to hold my hand in public, I still believe in happily ever after. Or, at least, I'm going to have a really expensive wedding someday and get to be the center of attention and everyone will think my life is perfect.

1 comment:

  1. Never compromise, you just keep holding onto thjthat veil, it looks lovely on you. And as for Charlize Theron, well, I think she would be completely envious of your thorns, your green complexion, and most of all your c'est la vie attitude! Let's see more pictures of your dream wedding fantasy.