I Can't Sleep.

It's St. Patrick's Day and I should be happy, but instead I am depressed and unconsolable. Or am I "inconsolable"? Oh holy crap, I don't care, I just wish I could SLEEP. But no, all I can think about is the fact that it is St. Patrick's Day, the greatest drinking holiday in the world - except for maybe Cinco de Mayo (oh and 4th of July (and also Halloween)) - but anyway, St. Patrick's Day is definitely one of the top 5 Drinking Holidays, but I need to stay sober. Because these days, there is no upside to intoxication. I might get blasted, and accidentally have sex with my loathsome husband. Or, even worse, I might get blasted, and my husband will just watch t.v., and my self-esteem cannot handle that sort of rejection.

I am not feeling very rational. I am normally very levelheaded and reasonable, but now I am just stressed stressed stressed and apparently I am never going to fall. a. sleep. I'M FALLING APART!!! Should I wear green tomorrow? If I wear green, I might get carried away by the spirit of St. Paddy's Day and start drinking. But if I don't wear green, people will think I am one of those depressed married people who just watch Wheel of Fortune instead of going out drinking to celebrate one of the Top 5 Drinking Holidays (in America at least, I'm sure Italy and France have different exciting exotic drinking holidays).

I can't keep doing this. By "this" I mean "this awful crap b.s. marriage that is sucking all the joy out of my life and have I mentioned that we didn't even have a wedding and I didn't get to be the center of attention and I am wasting the best years of my life sharing a bed with a man with frightening halitosis and who cannot take a hint to save his life and oh my god if he tries to hold my hand one more time I'm going to cut off his balls."

Ok, so this whole "having insomnia and hyperventilating at 3:30 a.m." thing sucks but on the uspide, I will be too exhausted to do anything more than watch Wheel of Fortune tomorrow.

You know, it might be time for a change. Maybe I've been married long enough.