Despondency and Despair.

The weather is absolutely gorgeous today. I decided to go home "sick" and take advantage. On the roof of my apartment building, there is a jacuzzi. Perfect. I LOVE water and I really need to work on my tan. I am thinking about joining an online dating site, and that can only happen if I have a really hot profile photo.

You can imagine my horror when I got home and found this:

WTF?? The jacuzzi is closed? What could poossibly justify closing the jacuzzi? I don't care if the health board thinks the water is infected with a virus that could spawn a deadly world epidemic! Wendy needs some hot tub action!!!

A weight of despondency and despair descended on to my shoulders, and I collapsed.



I just lay there for several minutes. I didn't cry.

Worst. Date. Ever.

I do not want to write about my blind date with Steve the Succulent. It was just too awful to relive. I would just like to post two warnings for all the single ladies:

1. Do not ever date Steve the Succulent.

2. Do not ever let Miles set you up on a blind date.

Miles is my best friend but when it comes to romance, he is just a vindictive bastard. The trouble with Miles is that he looks so sweet and innocent. I mean, c'mon, just look at him:

He's a friggin' Christmas ornament! (Note: some people assume Miles is a snowman, but he is actually a Christmas ornament of a snowman.) Just look at those faux charcoal eyes, the scarf, the matching yellow vest and hat! When he tells me he has a succulent that I simply must meet because he studied comparative literature at Harvard and likes water... how can I resist?
But, ladies - Miles is evil. He has been unemployed since January 3, and he is determined to make everyone as miserable as he is. If he ever tries to play the matchmaker and set you up with one of his friends, just run the other way as fast as you can.

p.s. Miles - I hate you.

Question:

Does this bow make me look fat?

Don't answer! I know - it makes me look like an asshole. I have a blind date tomorrow after work. My friend Miles set me up with Steve the Succulent. I don't have much faith in blind dates but still, I would like to look my best. I have not been on date in a really long time - not since my last boyfriend dumped me at the car wash. And that was easily two weeks ago! I guess this means I'm in a bit of a dry spell (pun intended). I think I'll skip the bow. I bought it at one of those after-Christmas sales. Never a good thing.

Hello!

Welcome to my blog! My name is Wendy the Cactus. I live in Los Angeles, California but I was born in Chickaloon, Alaska. Alaska is not a very good place to raise young cacti, so my parents moved to Los Angeles a few months after I was born. I hope I can go back to Alaska someday - I dream about the glaciers, the snow, and all the ice.

Here is an aerial view of what I look like:

As you can see, I am round and prickly but the prickles are not very sharp. I am about the size of a large lemon.
Here is a photo of me with a large lemon:

Please visit my blog often - I can't wait to share with you all my exciting adventures in Los Angeles.